Auditions for “Sex, Lies, and Fish”

The Village Players of Hatboro will hold auditions for Sex, Lies, and Fish—a play by Steven J. Niles and directed by Jim Kirkwood—on the following dates:

  • Sunday, May 5th at 4pm
  • Tuesday, May 7th at 7pm
  • CALLBACKS BY INVITATION ONLY on Wednesday, May 8th at 7pm


Auditions will consist of cold readings from the script and improvisational exercises. If time allows, monologues may be permitted from productions other than this one.

Show dates are August (2019) 2, 3, 4, 8, 9, 10. All actors who are cast MUST be available for all show dates, as well as tech week and benefit shows on weeknights throughout the run (which will be announced prior to the beginning of rehearsals).

Rehearsal days will be decided based upon actor availability.

Audition Application Options

You may bring a completed audition application by printing one out below or fill out the online audition form. You may also fill out a form once you arrive but be sure to bring a list of all your unavailable dates.


(Comedy) Sex, Lies, and Fish is a fast and funny slapstick farce. After the death of his father in a tragic fish-mongering accident, Lewis Paglinini has become sole owner of the lucrative Friendly Fisherman’s Fish Filet Factory. Desperate for a share of the business, motel magnate Albert D’Auria attempts to earn the young man’s favor with a once-in-a-lifetime offer. In exchange for a piece of the Fillet Factory, Albert is prepared to offer Lewis his daughter Babs’ hand in marriage. Babs, meanwhile, has been carrying on an illicit love affair with Albert’s business rival, Dominick Vinta. Following the advice of her maid, Sissy, Babs agrees to marry Lewis while secretly plotting to murder him after the wedding in order to secure the minced-fish money for herself.

Character Descriptions

  • ALBERT D’AURIA (M, 40+, Lead): Patriarch and businessman, he has his hands in many pies, both literal and figurative. Eager to get into the fish fillet business, he is boisterous, bold, and conniving.
  • BABS D’AURIA (F, 18-40, Lead): Albert’s spoiled daughter. Ensures she is always the center of attention. Just as conniving as her father. Heavy New Jersey accent.
  • LEWIS PAGLININI (M, 18-40, Lead): Inexperienced owner of a lucrative fish fillet factory. A sweet, innocent young man who pines for his childhood crush, Babs.
  • SISSY (F, any age, Lead): The D’Auria’s dutiful maid, secretly in love with Lewis and a close friend to Babs. The smartest person in the room.
  • DOMINIC VINTA (M, 18-40, Major Supporting): Member of a rival mob family, secretly in love with Babs. Suave and handsome but not very bright.
  • ROGER D’AURIA (M, 25+, Major Supporting) A world-travelling adventurer and Albert’s brother. Having studied abroad, he affects a pretentious British accent. Master of the unintended double entendre.
  • HUBBARD (M, any age, Major Supporting): Roger’s Egyptian manservant. Unquestioningly loyal to Roger.
  • CORDELIA (F, any age, Major Supporting): Albert’s lusty third wife. A former beauty queen from a Balkan nation, she retains her Eastern European accent. Enjoys her wine. Sets her boozy eye on Lewis.
  • THE BUTLER (M or F, any age, Major Supporting): The D’Auria’s put-upon manservant. Should be adept at physical comedy and must be light enough to be carried. Will be portrayed as a man but can be played by a woman.
  • BOBBY SHRIMP (M or F, any age, Supporting): Albert’s personal lawyer and fixer and keeper of the D’Auria family’s secrets. Also an ordained minister in case of very specific emergencies.
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Crew Members & Newbies

Audition nights are a perfect time to come out, meet the director, and express your interest in helping out backstage, be it in the role of a stage manager, lights & sound operator, concessions, or whatever else you might like to do.

They’re also GREAT for first-timers to come out and observe how things are done, maybe express interest in being a helper, or read for a part! We almost always cast at least one person who’s never been on stage before. You never know what can happen!

Questions? Please contact the show’s playwright, Steven J. Niles, at

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